Just a little quick one...
Exactly how much shite can one man buy on eBay? A newsletter to find out...
Well hello there strangers, I haven’t written to you for ages. I wish there was a better reason than just ‘I haven’t got anything funny to say’ but, well - that’s been the truth of it really. Since those dark days of December where I felt there was nothing for it but to plunge myself into an icy frozen lake to wake up my sluggish brain, you will be absolutely unsurprised to learn that I’ve not yet been back. (I do intend to though. Even bought some fancy wetsuit gloves and everything). Months have passed, the days are getting lighter, but it’s felt a bit like life has been slightly short on joy recently for any number of reasons. I think that’s changing, but it’s a slow process…
However. This is a short letter today, mainly to let you know that I am still here, still writing, still thinking about how, a few weeks ago, I discovered we now owned a tiny child’s quad bike, and Lee was taking our son out on it to a local racetrack. They had a great time by all accounts. I wouldn’t know, as I couldn’t bring myself to go and watch. Remember what happened to Ozzy Osbourne?! Exactly. Neither does he.
I think there’s been an inevitable slowing down in the stories I can tell you about stupid purchases. It leaves me with a bit of a question about where to take this newsletter, which is probably another reason you haven’t heard much from me lately. I’ve always thought better to say nothing than force something shit just for the sake of it, but would be interested to hear what you subscribers want from this - what is it you read it for? Is it the story? The links? To read something funny? Or just as a distraction from whatever you’re doing, funny or not? Or, because you are friends with/related to me and have been coerced into cheering me on? (almost certainly). If you felt you could reply to this email and let me know, I’d be really interested to hear what you think.
The reason I ask is because the only thing I’ve written recently doesn’t feel quite right for here. I’ve put it on my (old now really) blog, And Other Idiots, as that’s the home for most of my other stuff like this. It’s about what happened when I went back to my old university town last week for the first time in ages.
You can read it here if you’re curious. If not, well, that’s fine too. Normal service will be resumed just as soon as Lee does something I regret and he thinks is completely normal, I’m sure.
Until then, please enjoy knowing that my son, who loves riding his bike, has decided to give it a name. ‘Big Chungus’. That’s what he’s called it. Big Chungus.
Adios amigos!
Recommendations (in brief!)
Have you read Kate Atkinson’s beautiful book Life After Life? You should, and then and only then watch the brilliant tv adaptation of it on iPlayer.
There’s going to be a new comedy show on Radio 4 replacing Newsjack, which is open to all aspiring comedy writers for submissions - details here…
I was coerced by a child into seeing the animated film Bad Guys last week. It’s actually really good, who knew?!
DO NOT FORGET to enjoy the Eurovision final this Saturday night. My sister Philly is joining me for a LIVE, IN PERSON SATELLITE LINKUP, and her handwritten scorecards are the stuff of (inebriated, illegible) legend.
Finally, this is nice isn’t it?
So that’s it for now. Sorry it’s short, but what are you gon do. Now, can I interest you in a quad bike for sale?…
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Who am I anyway?
I'm Lindsay. Bit of a dickhead, freelance writer for money, author of And Other Idiots and other internet shite for kicks. This newsletter will be a short story of some idiotic exploits from quite close to home, for no other reason than to make you smile every two weeks. Exactly how much shit can one man buy on Ebay? I intend to find out.
Find me on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook too if that’s your bag. Made you laugh? I don’t get paid to write this, but you can show your appreciation and buy me a coffee. Or commission me to write something with less swearing for you business? I’m nothing if not versatile. Are you a literary agent? I’m working on a book along these lines too - can I send you my proposal?