What’s big and grinning and on the internet? This is not a drill. My friends made me join a dating app. Given that the last time I was single in 2004 smartphones hadn’t actually been invented, the idea you could ruthlessly dismiss every man in a 50 mile radius without even leaving your house was but a beautiful pipedream. Thank you Steve Jobs for all the glorious possibilities your tiny little screen has now gifted me. (*proceeds: Nope. Nope. Neck tattoos? NOPE. etc.)
Which, if this were a newsletter about internet dating, I would go on to write about in all its quite hilariously brilliant detail now….
However, for the benefit of all my new recent followers (Thank you Katherine May’s newsletter!) I feel I should probably set out again who we all are, why we’re all here, and what TheWhatNow newsletter was. And is. And could be. It used to be funny stories about all the shit my husband bought. But given I’m now 14 months into an extremely unfunny divorce, well- things have stalled a little on the content front.
So this is just a quick update really, to share a few of the things with you that have been raising a smile. It’s especially important I think, when everything else in life is categorically Not Funny, to make sure you lean in to that which is good, true, beautiful. With which I present to you:
I stumbled across this on BBC iplayer one lonely night, and Oh Sweet Jeebus, I can’t tell you what a tonic it is. Forget what you think it might be from the title - it’s not that. It’s acerbic, hilarious, heartbreaking, joyful, irreverant, sexy and life affirming. I want to be able to create something as brilliant as this some day, or at the very least marry Patrick Bramall who is irritatingly, handsomely, hilarious. Please go and put it in your SAD WINTER-TIRED face immediately, and then go and enjoy your full and joyful life better for it.
This guy on Instagram…
I have of late, and wherefore I know not, lost all my ability to actually find content from anyone I actually know on instagram. It used to be a place where you could enjoy well-shot pictures of delicious-looking pastries (HASHTAG PASTRIES!!) and envy your friends and their well-rounded much better lives than yours. Now, it’s just a stream of adverts for the same one glittering skirt and noisy reels of influencers I don’t recall following getting dressed whilst chatting to camera about their dog’s mental health. So imagine how surprised and delighted I was to discover George Lewis and his deadpan, northern, funny little reels about all the shit that comes with parenting. Follow him, he’s delicious. Which reminds me of…
This other guy on insta too
Presented without comment. But do, just, follow him - he’s delicious.
Look it’s one more guy on instagram too
Don’t say I never give you anything. I was made aware of What Willy Cook and may very well have recommended him to you before, but that’s no reason not to simply repeat myself over and over. I defy anyone after watching a few of his videos to ever cook anything again without your internal monologue urging you to add the piss of a lemon or some Thomas Puree to whatever you’re making. His food looks delicious too.
And finally
I don’t think I’d be doing my job properly (what IS my job, I hear you ask? well, I’d like it to be writing stuff like this, but for the time being and in large part necessitated by my astronomical legal fees during divorce, I also moonlight as an enormous corporate bellend for actual real life money), I don’t think I’d be doing either of these things properly if I didn’t remind you that the people who post silly little memes on the internet are there to bring us all joy. The finest among them is the man responsible for Arcane Bullshit. Every single thing he makes is gold. Please enjoy some pizazz.
That’s all. Adios!
I need your input!
We’re going to finish with a poll today. I feel like there’s a new chapter of horror unfurling in my life - by which I am of course referring to my recent adventures in online dating. I’d quite like to write about this because initial impressions are that it is already a rich seam of unintentional comedy. Would you like to read about it? I’d probably want to put it behind some kind of paid subscription. I’d tell myself that this would be to protect the privacy of the unwitting innocent, but really it would be to attempt to guard my own just a little. Whilst simultaneously monetising my pain! Hurrah!
So - the question is, would you want in? This bit of TheWhatNow will always be free, but if there were an extra optional, paid subscription what would that be worth to you? Can you really put a price on a short amusing diversion from your miserable lives? The answer is:
Let me know. And who knows, maybe by this time next month Rodders….
Who am I really
I’m Lindsay. I used to write here that I’m a human, a wife a mother, but now only two of those things are true (WHICH TWO??). For the purposes of this, I’m someone who will bring you a short, amusing read straight to your inbox maybe - oooh, lets say around twice a month (although on past form, this is a HEINOUS LIE).
Come follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram.
Want to read more? Check out previous newsletter editions here, or feast your brain on my blog AndOtherIdiots. It’s where I put my thoughts that are more thoughtful thoughts, not just stupid shit.
I don’t get paid to write this, but you can show your appreciation and buy me a coffee and/or just offer me free legal advice or buy me a house or whatever. Thanks.
Great update, just spent the last half hour watching Garron Music on Insta (Guy no. 2).